party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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