Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Man, jail baloney is awful.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
