We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
