he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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