It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
