Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
