Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
