you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
