Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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