his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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