just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would fuck him just for his dog
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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