I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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