I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do herpes really smell.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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