Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
