Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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