Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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