you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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