my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
