I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
