when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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