i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
