i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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