In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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