Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
