The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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