Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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