she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
