he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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