I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
