you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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