Whod you bang
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
