is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
