My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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