We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
