stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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