it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
