Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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