i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
