My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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