i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
