Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize