Already got asked if we're dating
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
