i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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