why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
