oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
