I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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