I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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