Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
