I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
