I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
