i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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