shes about as inviting as chlamydia
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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