I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
