I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
