It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
