similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
