I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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