two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
