Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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