that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
