Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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