Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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