the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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