I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
