Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
