Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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