im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize