im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
