Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
