Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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