I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
