When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
